Jake Fox's Bat vs. Sweet Lou's Temper

The Chicago Cubs are reportedly recalling Jake Fox and his uber-bat from AAA, where he's hitting somewhere in the neighborhood of infinity with a google homers and 100% of his team's RBI's. (They also brought up SS Andres Blanco and LHP Jason Waddell.)

With this move, Cub fans are rewarded with three big items off their wish list while shattering one fairy tale:

• Jake Fox has a chance to prove he's not just a AAA legend.
• Aaron Miles will take a break from sullying the Cub lineup card, as he's being placed on the 15-day DL with a bad swing and a partially strained statistical projection.
• Neal Cotts is being sent down to the minors where he is rumored to be trade bait for a Denny's Grand Slam Breakfast and a Bob Walk rookie card.
• Bobby Scales, the exciting spark plug and fan favorite substitute teacher, has been sent down to AAA as well. It's sad to see him go, but his recent bout with the flu probably saddled him with more sick days than he could afford.

Seeing Miles and Cotts out of action will cause much jubilant relief among Cubbie faithful, but it's the Jake Fox call-up that really has fans buzzing, especially given their recent offensive woes. But all of Fox's minor-league exploits amount to little more than Jack Squat—he has to show his stuff on the major-league level. And it seems slightly doubtful that he'll see everyday playing time unless he shows he can play 3B.

Remember those stories of how SF Giants 3B Matt Williams used to practice fielding grounders with a ping pong paddle instead of a glove? The word on Jake Fox is that he looks like he's doing that, only not as successfully. We'll see how fast he cools off.

And speaking of cooling off, Cubs manager Lou Piniella is staying surprisingly cool during this offensive economic downturn, and it's sending some Cub fans' frustration over the boiling point. Lou says blowing up with a hell-fire hissy fit doesn't really work in firing up a team (Lord knows, he's done the research). He says now is the time for him to be calm and reassuring, but many fans are still begging for a classic Lou tirade. 

So here's the big question I'm hoping you can answer. Which will happen first: Jake Fox's bat cooling off like an iceberg, or Lou Piniella's temper erupting like a volcano?

Bradley Lashes Out at Baseballs

Just days after accusing umpires of retaliating against him for imperceptible umpire bumping, Milton Bradley called attention to yet another conspiracy against his oft misunderstood self: the baseballs are out to get him. 

Bradley fouled a pitch off of the bottom of his foot in Monday's 10-8 loss to Pittsburgh, and he later told reporters he expects more of the same.

"It was definitely intentional. Ever since I crushed that homer off Peavy, I've noticed a lot of foul balls trying to get a piece of me," Bradley told reporters, his right foot wrapped heavily in ice. "And that fly ball that got away from me when I dove for it in the 7th? I'm pretty sure it laughed at me."

The ball in question, that Bradley swears "intentionally hopped out" of his glove, allowed the first of three Pittsburgh runs to score in the 7th as Neal Cotts continued to pitch, something that seriously must be stopped if the Cubs are to win. Bradley just wishes the baseballs would stop hating on him.

"It's definitely one of those things where they're like, 'Oh, you hit my friend? Then I'm gonna hit you, see how you like it.' Well, I don't like it," Bradley snapped before shrugging and adding, "But what are you gonna tell 'em? They're baseballs. Whatever."

The much maligned right fielder, acquired by the Cubs as a free agent for a reported $30 million over the next three seasons, may use his baseball vendetta to actually earn his salary; he homered in his very next at-bat. But the baseballs don't understand his rush to judgment.

MLB baseballs' director of public relations Bobby Spalding called Bradley's theory "ridiculous." 

"If there's anybody we don't have a grudge against, it's Milton Bradley," Mr. Spalding posted on the organization's blog, which speaks out in defense of battered and mishandled balls across the league. "He's treated us with nothing but the utmost tenderness and caution for most of the year. Maybe two, three of our members at most have been hit hard by Milton. If anything, he's our favorite hitter; when he's batting, we know we can breathe easy."

Meanwhile, Cub fans across the world are desperately hoping the issue doesn't get resolved and that Bradley has finally put an end to his fair and ethical treatment of baseballs.