Thursday, May 21, 2009

Worst. Rivalry. Ever.

UPDATE: Hooray!! Yes, the Cubs got swept, but that $#&#@! series is over, and we won't see that blasted Arch until September.

I hate this rivalry. Cubs/Cardinals is my least favorite matchup in sports, it really is. To me, playing the Cardinals is like heading into a Haunted House—the only thing you can really hope for is to make it out alive.

It's not that I fear the Cardinals. I hate the Cardinals. And while Yoda might say those two things are nearly synonymous, I don't see it that way. The simple fact of the matter is, the Cardinals have won 10 World Series since the Cubs last called themselves champs. So no amount of regular-season winning can erase that edge. 

When the Cubs beat the Cardinals, it's a relief. It's escaping the bully. When the Cardinals win, it's like getting a noogie, a swirlie, and a super-wedgie all at once in front of your junior-high-school crush. And when they win the World Series, it's like watching them walk away with said crush while you hang suspended by your underpants with a sore forehead and a wet, twisted hairdo that reeks of stale number 1.

All that has made this series, in which the Cubs have scored one futile run, an embarrassing Freaks/Geeks flashback. Hopefully the Cubs can get one win and we can escape without any further ripping of whity-tighties.

And, oh, yeah, LaRussa is the Devil. 
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