And I Slept at a Holiday Inn Express

So I was at the game last night. And as I watched firsthand as Carlos Marmol stepped on to the mound seemingly possessed by both Good Rex and Bad Rex, I got to thinking about one of the most annoying phrases in sports fan commentary: "I was at the game, and . . . "

I love how people (including myself for at least a brief moment of Lou-doubting during one of Bad Rex's demonic spurts of wildness) think that being at the game qualifies them as some sort of premier expert about anything that happened during the game. It usually takes the form of the "if I was the manager" observation:

Well, I was at the game, and I can tell you, Lilly was done. I don't know how Lou could leave him in there, 'cuz he had nuttin' left.

As if Lou was not at the game. Too bad he didn't buy a ticket and watch from Section 512 Row 19 Seat 3, or else he would have known Lilly's night was done. Or there are the Terrace Reserved psychologists who, from being at the game, know exactly what every player was thinking:

Oh, you could tell, that pitch that hit Soriano wasn't a mistake. I was at the game, and you could see the pitcher glaring right at him the whole time the ball was in the air. From where I was sitting, there was no question; he plunked him on purpose.

Again, too bad the umpire couldn't have had a view from "almost right behind third base and then like twenty rows up." The pitcher and manager would have been ejected immediately along with any fan wearing a Padres jersey. 

What is it about possessing a ticket stub (although, they aren't even ticket stubs anymore) that makes people think they're geniuses? From my experience, I always have a much better idea about what's going on when I'm watching the game on TV than when I'm sitting in front of some drunken chanting idiot who thinks it's funny to comment on every person in the stadium.

That's what people in attendance should be saying. "Yeah, I was at the game, and food costs too much. And Cub fans are great and all . . . but the loudest ones are usually complete idiots." Or, "I was at the game, and I missed all the replays. What the heck happened on that ball Fukudome misread? I got distracted by this old dude in front of me picking his giant nose."

I don't know if Lou makes all the right moves or if Theriot is a mind reader. But I do know this: these two pictures were taken exactly 24 seconds apart from each other. The grounds crew rolled out the tarp, and then rolled it right back in again. I was at the game, and it was hilarious.