Top Ten Reasons to Keep Watching the Cubs in 2010

Let's build us a happy little L flag that flies high in the sky every day. It's gorgeous!

10. The Cubs have turned losing into an art form, and art is good for the soul.
9. Like a Godfather movie, even though you know it won't end well, watching the bloodbath is half the fun.

Top Ten Non-Player Trades the Cubs Should Make Right Now

Make this move, and I'd never turn away from the TV for a second.
Photos from lamoltihalstein.wordpress.com/ and Mary Altaffer / AP 

With the trade deadline just over a week away, the theories, rumors, and proposals about who's going where and for what are running amok across the information superhighway with reckless abandon. And while the mainstream media and the superbloggers out there would have you believe only players can be traded, that won't stop me from encouraging the Cubs to take their mercantile thinking outside of its proverbial cardboard enclosure.

Here are ten trades that could improve this ballclub right now and in the future, and they don't have to deal a single player:

10. Chicago's weather  and a half a pizza for San Diego's weather
Do I really need to tell anyone how bad the weather sucks in Chicago? No, I don't. But it sucks. I've never been to San Diego, but I hear it's nice. I don't want to have to go there to confirm the matter, so I expect Hendry to bring the deal to me. And there's still half a pizza left for him to enjoy, so no complaints.

9. Len Kasper to Crazytown for Mike Tyson and a sedative to be named later
This deal has so much upside for both parties, it makes me want to gnaw my ear off.

8. Jim Hendry to DD for a box of donuts
It's not that I think he's doing such a bad job, it's just that the Gift-of-the-Magi irony would be, quite literally, delicious. I love delicious irony.

Baseball Season's Under Way . . .

Pitchers and catchers have yet to report, but they're thinking about it.

There's a foot of snow outside my house, but some of it is melting.

I know a lot of people hate the song, but I still feel compelled to get ready for a brand new day.

Vegas is giving 14:1 odds that the Cubs will win the World Series, but they also gave Buster Douglas 42:1 to beat Tyson.

The ivy looks dead, but it'll grow back.

I haven't heard Pat nor Ron nor Len nor Bob in quite awhile, but I know the next "Aw, Geez!" is right around the corner.

Somewhere someone's arguing about how much money Ryan Theriot deserves, and somewhere someone in Wrigleyville is wondering if getting called out by an arbiter is considered a TOOTBLAN.

Yeah, we're in the middle of the Winter Olympics, but when I see Sean White's head crash into the snowboard halfpipe, I can't help but think of Sam Fuld.

The Cubs will not win the World Series, but I refuse to learn.

Hope springs eternal, and so does stupidity.

It's 30 degrees outside, and it feels like baseball.

Play ball.