Cubs Winter Meetings Venn Diagram

If you see a point of intersection between A & B, please let me know what that is. Thanks.

Being a Cubs Fan Is Depressing

Ron Santo is a pretty joyful guy, but not even he can deny the depressing nature of Cub fandom.

I'm doing everything I can to make this post depressing. Photo of a glum Ron Santo: check. Ironic photo-manipulation isolating a single splash of Cubby Blue: zing. Sad song from Garden State: posted. Discussion of being a Cubs fan: would have gone without saying had it not been for my blatant disregard for the rule of threes.

If I'm discussing the Cubs, all the other stuff is just Spielbergesque manipulative emotional overkill. The depression is happening. If you're a Cubs fan, that is. Non-Cubs fans often derive great pleasure from discussing the Cubs and their fans. For White Sox fans it's cathartic. For people who just don't like baseball in general it vindicates their choice of pastime. For genuinely, clinically depressed people it might even be humorous that a self-chosen preference for the Chicago National League ball club could take the place of a chemical imbalance in immersing someone in melancholy. But for Cubs fans it's just a sad reality.

Curse of Cubs Fans pt. 4: We're Morans

Whoever made this picture should have explained what upside-down-U means.

I'll try to keep this simple for all of us who are as dumb as I am. My paragraphs will be short.

I have already made it perfectly clear that Cubs baseball makes me stupid. I wish I was kidding. Or I wish I were kidding. I don't know, whatever. Watching the Cubs makes me dumb, and I think it attracts dumb people or people who wish to be as dumb as me. Or I. My head hurts.

The point is, the Cubs stink because it is the destiny of people dumb enough to cheer for them to never be rewarded for our foolishness. Stick your fingers under a running lawnmower, and you'll never in a hundred years be glad you did. Same goes for being a Cubs fan. 

There probably are some smart people who like the Cubs, but I think they're just put in place by Yankee fans to keep us from endangering the rest of the population. Without proper supervision, we might just go around rooting for car wrecks or proving we can fly off of buildings. Sure, we could prove Darwin right, but we might take out some intelligent bystanders along with us, and that just isn't fair.

You know what is fair? The Cubs never winning. We deserve it. We're dumb. Actually, the Cubs could probably win the World Series this year, and we just may be too stupid to realize what's going on. We're that dumb. I think we are. I don't know. 

All I do know is that being too stupid is the criticism usually levied against management and players when they don't succeed, so it's only fair for to subject ourselves to the same argument. I only know that because I tattooed it on my arm during an off day. 

I don't know what it means, though. If any fans of other teams would like to explain it to me, I'd really appreciate it.