Will You Never Learn?

Damnation is a Way of [L]ife too

The nice thing about being friends with Cubs fans is that they never learn. They're like Wile E. Coyote. The World Series is their Road Runner. They keep thinking they're going to catch that damn bird, and it's pretty funny to watch them die a hundred gruesome deaths.

Every year I make a bet with Adam that the Sox will win more games than the Cubs. Last year, he won and I had to wear a Cubs hat to work. This year, he's conceded* and let me repay the indignity by posting on his Cubs blog. I already feel dirty being here, so I'll make this short and sweet before taking three consecutive showers and then watching the Sox dismantle the Tigers for their eighth consecutive win.

I just have one question for you: why? Why the hell do you keep watching this (as Bob Brenly so eloquently put it) dead-ass team? The organization is a joke. And I'm not speaking as a Sox fan here, I'm telling you as an objective observer that the rest of Major League Baseball looks down on the Chicago Cubs as a pathetic joke of a franchise. Adam's argument is that once the team wins it all, the celebration will be the biggest in the history of the planet. And when the Coyote catches the Road Runner, he's going to be ecstatic. There's just one problem: Neither. Will. Ever. Happen.

You know this, right? I assume if you possess the powers of literacy, you're intelligent enough to know impossible from possible. The Cubs will never win a World Series. You will never celebrate. So why are you still a fan?

No love,

Dante the Infernal Sox Fan

*Technically, the Cubs could run the table and finish with 84 wins, and the White Sox could never win again and stay stuck at 77 wins. Even Adam has the good sense to acknowledge it ain't happening.